De-Clutter De-Stress

I have recently been feeling stressed, overloaded and extremely cluttered in my everyday life. Yes outside forces have contributed greatly to this, but then I began to look at the spaces around me… the two things that are mine and only mine (my car and my room) are a complete mess. A disaster. Shoes are strewn in random places, photos are slowly peeling off of their placement on the wall, things tacked or hung up when I was 9 and havent been touched since. I think it is time for a general de-clutter and a cleanse. Maybe I will feel less anxious if my places of rest are more put together and more of a statement of who I am. Time to take down those pennants, hang up my flags and hell…maybe burn some of the incense that Mozart gave me for Christmas. Hopefully a clear peaceful room will create a clear and peaceful mind. And if not? then the worst that will happen is that I have a cleaner room… which is never a bad thing.


Get Off Your High Horse

One of my guy friends critiqued me. He told me that I have issues because in a way I am still in love with Mozart. That it was stupid to still care for him. See my guy friends girlfriend broke up with him the same time Mozart broke up with me. We helped each other through some of the lower points, and applauded the high points. But as he got higher he became less and less concerned with what other people were feeling and only talked about himself. It came to a point where he was either talking about himself and how this hot girl thought he was hot or how he charmed another hot girl or he didnt talk at all…sat there silently as he tweeted his life away. He began to judge me and all of my decisions. If I talked to a boy he critiqued and laughed. And when I mentioned that Mozart might have come back into my life in the slightest he went off on me. Telling me that I am stupid. That nothing is or ever will be different. And while he may be right, in the fact that nothing has changed, in  a way I feel like he has been so conceited in himself that he has failed to see the change in the way I view things and what I want out of life. What really set me off was when he assumed I needed to ‘cheer up’ or that missing Mozart was somehow depressing. Was making me moan around the house or some shit like that. He told me that I was sad and I needed to find some help. At that point I snapped and told him how I really felt. Told him that I am happy he is over his ex but I am perfectly fine not being over mine. That for me, when I actually really do love someone, it is not that easy to forget about them. That me missing him and in even a small way still loving him means that what we had was real instead of some charade.That I was perfectly happy that I have loved him and perfectly happy that I still do. I told him that Mozart told me that he missed me… and even if it was a weak moment or even or if he only felt it for that time being (which he didnt but I am just saying…) that I am happy about that as well….for it shows that his love for me was once real as well. If it werent then we would be completely fine and fucking other people at this point. But we arent.  

Maybe my friend is actually just sad himself, jealous that his ex still hasnt communicated with him while mine has. And he is hiding those feelings by focusing on other women and fucking two of my friends in my jacuzzi on my birthday….. or maybe he is over his ex. and if so then I really am happy for him…I am not going to judge him and his decisions so he has no right to judge me or mine. 


I need to stop always looking in the future and live in the now. For I miss those moments once they pass.

I need to stop always looking in the future and live in the now. For I miss those moments once they pass.



Truth is…

Truth is. I didnt think I would fall in love with you. But I did. Truth is. I never thought you would leave me. But you did. Never be so certain about uncertainties. Life can surprise you and shake you. I am happy that I have loved you. In a way I am happy that I still love you. I am just waiting for life to decide that maybe we can have another shot. A time to start over. To start fresh and discover who we really are without assumptions and certainties. Without the bullshit that clouded our eyes. I want to see the real you. I want you to see the real me. And I want to see where this life can take us. 



blissbeau:

triple-six-kicks:

"I don’t love him but he’s here and you aren’t"

This hit me like a fucking train

blissbeau:

triple-six-kicks:

"I don’t love him but he’s here and you aren’t"

This hit me like a fucking train

(via homelesshkr)




 I would rather risk being heartbroken again… then to have not tried at all.

 I would rather risk being heartbroken again… then to have not tried at all.